Monday, October 17, 2011

Weight Loss: Your Support System

I've never had a good relationship with my parents. When I got a job, I was SO happy because I didn't have to work in Tokyo, which meant I could move out (most kids whose parents live in the Tokyo area and go to Tokyo universities live at home because rent is REALLY expensive)

 Still, I call them every weekend to keep them happy.  Lately, when I call my parents, all they talk about is that I need to diet and lose weight. I tell them that I run for 1 hr on weekends, and they tell me that it's not enough.  My mom tells me that I can't lose weight through exercising, that I have to eat less, even though I distinctly remember her telling me 6 months ago that eating less won't make me lose weight (or so she heard on some TV show). 

So, 1 hour every week of being told by my parents that I need to lose weight. Even if I talk about what I'm doing to lose weight, I get no encouragement.  Oh wait, I've never gotten encouragement or praise from them EVER in my life.  Seriously, I have never been praised by my parents.

Remember, all the time I'm paying for the overseas call.  Yeah, not fun. 



I've been asked why I blog about my weight loss.  I haven't been successful (unlike Wardrobe Oxygen), but I still blog about it.  It's all because I need the support I can get through my blog, which I can't get in my normal life.  Thank you to all of you who have told me not to give up, who have given me tips, and who have shared your personal struggles with me.

This week's weigh in: 67.0 kg (-1.0 kg)

xoxo, K

20 comments:

  1. Gosh I know what you are talking about...Asian parents tend to "use the whip" and prefer not to coddle...My parents were also kind of insensitive about my struggles with weight loss. They would tell me not to eat dessert when everyone else in the family had some, or if they offer me some carb-filled meal and I refused, they would say, "oh yes, you are trying to lose weight, better not!"...I make my folks sound so mean but I know in my heart they just say it as it is (no filter) and they think they are helping me by giving me advice/solutions. I guess we all have the same goal in mind but they sure were too vocal about it. I try not to take it too hard but it's tough to have a thick skin and just keep my mouth shut. I wish people were more polite about weight-loss! 

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  2. OMG! Asian parents and weight! If it's not school achievement and grades, it weight! or both! or not having a husband! I don't call my parents too often, either - they're the same way!

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  3. haha, everything you said, I went through the same... *sigh*  For that reason, I hate calling them or talking to them, because usually i hang up feeling like bawling my eyes out.  :\  At least you're being a much better daughter than I am if you're still calling every weekend!

    But yeah, my whole life too, my mom makes a point of putting me down in front of other people...my family's very believing of being "humble" so she spend pretty much my entire childhood telling everyone around us how stupid i was and how unattractive and fat I was even though i was getting 100%'s and straight A's.  I was over weight, but if she was so intent on making me loose weight, she could start learning to eat less herself and not shove food at me...kids learn by example dammit!  -_-;; 

    I remember one time we were visiting a family friend, and my mom was saying how I'm so fat and really need to loose weight (this was when I was around 165lb for my 5'5" height, and since this was in China full of skinny chinese girls, i think I appeared extremely huge) to her friend.  I was so upset after a while of listening to that that I ended up crying...she apologized to me to make me stop crying, but later i realized she didn't even sincerely feel bad about it, as she told me I was being an embarrassment (for crying at someone else' house).  So she apologized just to get me to stop crying -_-;;; 

    What was extra upsetting was that during that period of my life (teenager, around sophomore to junior year of HS), ALL of my mom's friends were praising their kids like no tomorrow, while my mom's constantly putting me down instead.  not only did it make me feel horrible (after all, kids DO believe what their parents say), but I got super depressed over how everyone else my age seemed to be SO much more successful than me.  It wasn't until i got a job 5 or 6 years later that I realized I ended up much better than half of my peers back then.  *sigh* 

    i guess I just don't bother to look to them for encouragement any more...i just simply don't expect it.  I do feel happy when they say something nice though, but because i'm so emotionally stunted toward them that i can't genuinely feel happy when they praise me either -_-;;  I get my self confidence now from other things in my life that doesn't involve my parents at all. 

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  4. Agreed. Asian Parents Syndrome is the worse. Nothing is ever good enough. Don't despair though, You have a support system through us!

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  5. aww hugs hugs! parents can be so blunt and insensitive sometimes, that's why sometimes i just choose to not mention anything to them, otherwise they always get the wrong ideas or think too much. dont worry, you have your support group here :) and obviously if you ever need more support we are all a tweet or an imessage away! <3 <3

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  6. Dear K, I've read your blog for a long time but always silently. However, this post has prompted me to say this: thank you having been so incredibly courageous and open with your weight struggles. 

    I do not have a great r/s with my parents either, and they have this issue of not filtering their words to me either. However I try to think they mean well, it does hurt.I've found that what really has helped me is to shrug off what they say and focus on other things. Just lately, someone told me that she thought I've lost weight when, in reality, it was only that I feel lighter in spirit because I am pulling out the sting of their words. Also, I never weigh myself any more! I use my clothes and my rings as a gauge. If the non-stretchy pants and the rings fit beautifully, I'm okay. :)I hope this helps. 

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  7. I went through when I was a teenager Kay! I totally understand the kind of feeling you're going through... I can't imagine being told now,  I thought it was extremely harsh told as a teenager - I was only 12,13, 14! Ironically I did lose weight BUT just to prove them wrong. It's strange because in hindsight, without that drive I may not have done it....  Hopefully it will drive you more than to put you off. 頑張って!

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  8. I'll always be here for you - giving you cyber support ;D
    It sucks to hear that even your parents don't give you encouragement but it's alright~ you have your blog readers ^^ Congrats on losing 1kg!!

    tbh, I can't even shed 1kg.. I fluctuate between and either gain or go back to the weight I originally was and it sucks. I'm glad someting is working for you & I wish you the best with losing more <3 Remember, Beauty is only skin deep - Don't let your weight control you!

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  9. you are such a trooper keeping up the good work in the face of all the discouragement!
    I really admire your regular running habits; I need to start doing that.

    That's unfortunate about your parents; I feel similarly about mine, but I try to keep them on topics like their own health and what they are doing on a regular basis, rather than have them nitpick about my life.

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  10. Thanks for sharing that you feel the same way... I really don't think that constantly putting your kids down is the way to motivate them to try harder!

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  11. They are STILL that way? Wow, thanks for letting me know that parents will never change!

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  12. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I really do believe that this behavior is damaging to the child. I know I've done some things I'm not proud of because of my lack of self-confidence1

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  13. *hugs*  This is one reason why I think I would be happier if I moved to the US!

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  14. Thank you for speaking out!  It really does mean a lot to me.

    Moving out of my parents' house has helped.  Instead of hearing this crap every single day, I'm down to an hour a week (yep, they talk for the entire hour!)  I hope it gets better some day, or I learn how to manage!

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  15. I cannot IMAGINE you being overweight... you are so slim! I've met you, remember!!! 

    I've been overweight since I moved back to Japan.  Every time they push me to lose weight, the stress has led me to gain weight... It's really not helping! 

    Hopefully, with help from friends like you, I'll get there someday!

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  16. Yeah, my weight fluctuates as well.  I haven't been eating well this week, either! 

    Thank you sooo much on the support!

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  17. Getting out of bed at 6 AM on a weekend is tough, but I've found that it's the only way I can keep on running!  I do feel much better afterwards, although I think I am pushing myself a bit too hard right now.

    That's a good idea to keep parents talking about their own health and not about mine.  I'll try it out!  Thanks!!

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  18. I admire you for sharing your weight loss journey with us - I know it's been a difficult process, but it seems like your efforts are paying off, even if the progress seems slow. 

    My parents would be happy if I were still living at home with them, but our relationship has improved since I've been living on my own...the distance keeps things in perspective, and keeps me from getting overwhelmed and striking up arguments all the time. If they're not getting after us for something, they'll find something to pick on! 

    Hang in there with the weight loss - as long as you're eating healthier and being active, you're still making good efforts! For now, just try to get your parents to talk about themselves during your phone calls before they can get after you.

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  19. *hugs* and support!!! My family is all fit and energetic and healthy and they don't understand not being that. So I understand how you feel! Keep working towards being happy with yourself. That's all that matters!

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